you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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