i permit you to call me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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