Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We are all done wearing pants today
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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