Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
