i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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