I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
