I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The uberlube is also flammable
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
