Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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