The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
