We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
