He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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