so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
