1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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