Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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