I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
