I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
