idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
