in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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