You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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