Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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