dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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