You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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