That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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