I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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