Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
