We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
