she woke up with a sticky ear
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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