She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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