i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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