okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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