I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
