My cat gives me a boner
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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