I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
