I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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