You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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