Pappa wants mamma naked
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
