just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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