the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
