well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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