So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize