DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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