I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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