I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
