She said her name was "party"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
