Got a toothbrush?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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