he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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