Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
