Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
