marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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