i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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