So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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