The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
