She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
