Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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