I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
