If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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