just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
