I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
