My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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