I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
