1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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