i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
