I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
