i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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