If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
