shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
